I'm back. Can't say I'm super excited to be back here in Utah but I have a few things to look forward to, like Joshua James Friday night, yay. Other than that I want to go back to San Fran. Looking at pics of my trip will have to suffice. Here are a few of my favorite moments of my recent trip.
Jason and Lindsay were great. I couldn't ask for better friends.
Me and the Bay in Tiburon. This was after Our Sunday Morning brunch at Sams.
Magnus, that dog is great and it sucks for those who didn't know him as a pup because you might not ever get to meet him.
My Rainbow Sushi roll. The only non-vegetarian roll. It was all mine, and it was good.
Eating sushi. I like this pic. I don't think it's one of Lindsays Favorites.
Hey Dash - Had a great Sacrament Meeting, then linger longer. Missed you. It's time to come back. I've heard rumors of bad choices. Hope you're doing well. See you next Sunday. The church is true.
This was the first text of a three text conversation.
I can't even express how much this makes me upset. I have so much I could say, and I want to say, but I'm not going to. Okay, I'm going to say this one thing. My choices are my choices. If I kill someone or become a horrible person in some way then I will admit my choices are bad. That hasn't happened yet. Well I guess some people may think I'm a horrible person now, but I'm in the process of excluding them from my life.
It's rare when Mike will play and sing, I must have caught him on a good day. He wrote this song back in High School. I think the band is going to take it and revamp it. Always puts a little smile on my face.
9:13 A.M.------Hey Dash - It's been on a long time. Hope today is the day.
This was my wake up call. Thank you. I am suffocating here. Everyday I can't wait to leave, to go somewhere where religion isn't the most important thing to everyone. It's important to Mormons, "are you Mormon" "did you go to church" blah blah blah. It's important to none Mormons "are you Mormon" "do you go to church." Am I the only one who thinks that this type of mentality is stupid. How has what we believe become the most important part of our identity. I'm sick of it, it's not important, it's not important to me.
I am changing, I think people should always change and grow. However, I can't be honest with myself here. I am surrounded by people, my family included, who have a preconceived idea of who I am. Who am I? I don't know. How can I possibly find out if every time I act in a way that doesn't fit in someones idea of how I should act, they immediately think there is a problem that needs to be fixed. I end up acting in a way that won't rock the boat just so I can avoid headaches, and unnecessary conversations about people worrying about me . There are a handful of people that know me, they know whats going on. These few are the only ones I can really just let me be me, and find out where that goes. Yes Jason you are one of them. My biggest dream right now is to just disappear for a while. Have one big yard sell. Sell everything I own, and just leave. Get as far away from this state as possible and just live. Start fresh. I've started fresh before. I did it when I moved to Provo. It was an amazing feeling to not have to play a part, not that I felt I was, but when no one knows who you are you can be anyone you want. That person that emerges is you, in all it's glory.
I am in control of my life. I know whats best for me. I put in a lot of thought and consideration before I act. Why aren't you going to church Dash? It's not because I'm lazy. It's not because I slept in. It's because I don't feel like it. I have my reasons and just because I may not express them to others doesn't mean they are not real. These are reasons, not concerns that need to be resolved. There are other things going on in my life. Others may think that church attendance is the most important thing for me. What gives them the right, to think they know whats best for me. There is nothing more annoying and insulting when someone thinks there is something wrong with me, when I know there isn't.
My life right now consists of a few things. Work, plasma, allergies, and one bad ass BMX bike. I know not everyone can live the high roller life like myself, but I guess I'm just special. First, work is work, and it's hot, hot, hot. Second, plasma or as I'd like to call it my second job. I get hooked up to machine twice a week and they pump the very life source out of my veins and 55 dollars magically appear in my account. Yes the needle is big, but I'm a man. Third, constant sniffing. Bastard shit in the air that makes my existence awful. Fourth, my pride and joy, my baby, my BMX bike. I bought this beast and a garages sell for 30 bucks stripped it down, sanded it, and murdered it out. All black, all the time. Gangsta.